NFL Week 2 Picks: Lucky Start?

My agent said I should start off this week’s column by mentioning my record last week (12-3), but I decided not to. Instead, I’ll just point out that I had better numbers than anyone at ESPN, CBS Sports, or NFL Network. I thought about retiring before the league humiliates me, but I’m making a pile of money doing this, so …

Browns at Ravens (-8): The Browns looked respectable on defense last week against Pittsburgh, and DeShone Kizer showed some promise at QB. But I expect the Ravens’ defense to give the rookie a daylong headache. Can Baltimore score enough to cover? I think so. Ravens 24, Browns 9

Bears at Buccaneers (-7): NFL Nation gets its first glimpse of the Bucs in 2017. Who has the advantage here? The Bears, who have already played, or the Bucs, who’ve had extra time to prepare—and who haven’t put anything on film for Chicago to study? Bucs 20, Bears 17

Patriots (-6.5) at Saints: Don’t make the Patriots angry. You won’t like the Patriots when they’re angry. After being embarrassed by the Chiefs in the season opener, New England will respond with a sharp performance on offense, but questions remain on the other side of the ball. Patriots 31, Saints 21

Cardinals (-7) at Colts: The Colts initially hoped Andrew Luck would be back for this one, but after he saw his mates’ debacle in L.A. last week, his recovery seems to have slowed a tad. Smart guy, Luck. Earned a degree in architectural design from Stanford. Knows a shaky foundation when he sees one. Cardinals 27, Colts 10

Eagles at Chiefs (-5.5): Kansas City opened some eyes—including mine—in its dismantling of New England in Week 1. Alex Smith looks like a legitimate NFL quarterback when he has some playmakers around him. I like the home team, but the Eagles will keep it close. Chiefs 24, Eagles 20

Vikings at Steelers (-5.5): Last week, Le’Veon Bell played like a guy who’d skipped training camp. Amazing how that happens. I expect he’ll look more like himself against the Vikings, active enough to give the Steelers some balance on offense. Besides, I like to pick against Minnesota. Steelers 23, Vikings 19

Titans (-1.5) at Jaguars: One of the unwritten rules of 906 Sports Page is that no team can win two games in a row with Blake Bortles at quarterback. I guess it’s unwritten no longer. And look—Bortles and the Jags beat the surprisingly inept Texans last week. Titans 20, Jaguars 16

Bills at Panthers (-7): Sean McDermott, the Bills’ new coach, is a former defensive coordinator for the Panthers. His inside knowledge of the Carolina operation will help while developing a game plan, but it won’t be enough to overcome his team’s talent deficit. Panthers 27, Bills 17

Jets at Raiders (-13.5): The Jets are not good at football. Which is too bad, because football happens to be the profession in which they find themselves. How does it feel to be Josh McCown, the guy who’s taking snaps in New York until they draft his replacement next spring? Raiders 33, Jets 14

Dolphins at Chargers (-3.5): I like a good Jay Cutler joke as much as anyone—especially when the Packers are returning it for a TD—but I happen to think he’ll be decent this season in Miami. In this one, let’s give the edge to the team that has had extra time to prepare. Dolphins 26, Chargers 20

Redskins at Rams (-2.5): The Rams can’t be as good as they looked last week, but you know the Redskins are precisely as mediocre as they’ve shown over the past couple of seasons. So this 2.5-point spread seems about right. Rams coach Sean McVay will have a surprise or two for his former club. Rams 23, Redskins 19

Cowboys (-2.5) at Broncos: My personal dislike for Dallas and everything it stands for has a tendency to interfere with my predictions. I wish I could pick against them every week, but the problem is that they’re pretty (cough, cough) good. Cowboys 24, Broncos 23

49ers at Seahawks (-14): If the Seahawks don’t fix their offensive line, then there’s no way they’ll go as far as their defense can carry them. This week, however, it shouldn’t matter much. Seahawks 28, 49ers 13

Packers at Falcons (-3): This is a rematch of last season’s NFC title game, and could be a preview of this year’s. Green Bay’s defense is much better than the unit that took the field against Atlanta in January—especially in the secondary—but is that enough? Packers 28, Falcons 27

Monday

Lions at Giants (-3): The Lions have been known to start well, give their fans hope, and then collapse on the back nine. Perhaps Week 2 is a bit early to predict a similar trajectory, but I see them building on last week’s impressive victory when they were home underdogs. Lions 24, Giants 21

Record in Week 1: 12-3 straight up, 9-6 against the spread

Best pick in Week 1: Broncos 24, Chargers 20 (Broncos won, 24-21)

Worst pick in Week 1: Patriots 28, Chiefs 14 (Chiefs won, 42-27)